Past, Today and Tomorrow

So tonight I went to a women's event at my church and it was amazing!! I will be completely honest in the fact that I was very much thinking about not going after my best friend told me she was going to a different campus for the event but I made myself go because I am trying to break out of my comfort zone and build new relationships with people and I really wanted to be in a massive worship experience like I knew it was going to be. Those were my favorite events when I was in youth group because it wasn't a normal church service, people aren't there because they feel obligated or they are checking their box for the week they are there because they want to be and they want to worship with every ounce of their soul and I just really wanted to be a part of that because I haven't been for a very long time. And I can say that tonight did not disappoint! I got nervous the moment I saw the number of women standing in the lobby waiting to get to their seats but I found a few familiar faces and I felt better. And the worship was amazing... it brought tears to my eyes... which worship often does. There is something about singing about the wonderful things that God has done for us and about our freedom in the lord that just always seems to bring me to tears. And then Kristine Cain spoke and it was AMAZING! I had never heard her before but now I want to read her book and I want to see her again because she was awesome! She was funny and engaging and real and transparent and just so truthful and passionate and it was just amazing. And of course as it usually goes when you attend a service like this you feel in one way or another that the speaker is speaking directly to you and today was no different. She spoke about how we let our pasts keep us from our tomorrows and gods plan for our lives. Hearing her talk about her story and her past and how much she has been through but still she was able to truly put her past behind her so that she can move on with her tomorrow and God's plan for her life. I have not dealt with half as much stuff as this woman has but I still carrying pieces of my past around with me everyday. I carry guilt and shame of my past sins with me everyday and I let it hold me back from my tomorrow. This all hit home with me from the beginning but when she started talking about if not for ourselves but for our children or future children it really hit me like a ton of bricks! I have a daughter that is going to be looking to me for example on how to get through struggles and sin and If I dont show her how to move on from that knowing and trusting that God has truly forgiven it all then I am hindering her tomorrow and god's plan for her life! Over and Over again in the last couple of weeks I have heard things that have made me pray for God to come and make a big change in my life and tonight was no different. I am on the edge of something amazing and I know that it is all in God's plan but I have to do some work too. And now I know I have to really start working on me and letting Go of my past to move on to my tomorrow.

Parenting is Hard!

Ya know sometimes you just feel like you are failing as a parent... ok well maybe you don't feel that way but sometimes I sure do! Like today for instance when no matter how long and hard I tried I could not get my child to go to sleep for a nap! I dont know what it is but for me she just doesn't like to do it and heaven forbid I just put her in her bed so she can put herself to sleep. And please I really dont want to hear about how they have to learn and you need to let them cry it out or any of that other stuff because trust me I HAVE TRIED!! My child is just that MY child and just like her momma if she doesn't want to do something she's not going to do it! Unforunately my husband doesn't have a stubborn bone in his body so there is really no one else to blame but me and my entire side of the family. So after trying to put to sleep for a good half hour and then letting her cry it out for a good 20 minutes and then trying again to put her to sleep and once again letting her cry I finally gave up and just let her be up until her daddy came home a few minutes later and put her to bed with little to no problem... Do you know how frustrating that is?!?!?! He is the master at putting her to sleep and it makes me feel like a failure because I can try every trick in the book with no success and then he comes home and takes like five minutes and she's out! Lets see its tuesday and this has already happened twice this week... NOT OK!  But on top of her just fighting nap tonight she was not having going to bed. She'd fall asleep until you put her down and then she'd scream. Blaine being the trooper that he is tried and tried but finally asked for back up because we all have a breaking point. So we gave her some medicine thinking her teeth may be bothering her and then she had some mommy cuddle time and then decided she was gonna try to play... HA I dont think so... so daddy went back to putting her to bed and finally after two hours of struggling with this child she is in her bed asleep! I see all these parents that just put their child to bed and VIOLA they go to sleep... and the fact that I can't do it makes me feel like a failure! I've tried, from the get go we tried, she has never been and I'm starting to believe never will be a just lay down and go to sleep child. Maybe when she's 20! LOL!! And this is really just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to all the hardships of parenting. I mean it starts before they even born and you have to decide on how to give birth, then you have to decide to breastfeed or not and for how long, then when to start solid food and how to start solid food and what toys to buy, daycare or no daycare, and it goes on and on and on and we haven't even made it to the one year mark yet! I already have days where I feel like a failure because I can't put my child to sleep I dont even wanna know how I'm gonna feel when I make the WRONG decision about something to do with my child! Its nerve wrecking and scary and hard!! But it is all so worth it! Just that one smile and hug makes all of it worth it. The way her eyes light up and she laughs when she sees me for the first time in the morning or when I pick her up from a sitter after being away from her. The way sometimes only I can comfort her because I am mommy! It makes all the worry, stress, failing feeling. It makes it all worth it and so much more!!

Bday prep

I can't believe that my little baby girl is going to be a year old in a little over a month!! This time last year I was finishing up my nanny jobs and prepping for her arrival as patiently as possible and the days and weeks seemed to crawl by! But now the time just flys! The last 11 months have been wonderful and truly blessed but they have flown by so quickly there are so many time where I wish I could find the pause button, then again I think all parents feel that way at one point. However as we all know there is no pause button for our children growing up so we just have to roll with it do the very best we can to teach them and protect them and give them the best possible life that we know how and Pray to God for all the things that we feel like we can't do because he is able to fill in all the gaps for us! Isn't that just a wonderfully comforting feeling! 

So while I am sad that my baby is going to be a year old before I blink my eyes again, I am also very excited to be planning her first birthday party! Now I know that first birthday parties are really for the parents and grandparents and not at all for the baby but that doesn't change the fact that I want her to have the best first birthday party ever!! And I want her to look back on her pictures one day and see all the time and effort and thought and love that went into planning her first birthday party so that even on those crummy days that we all have she knows that from day one she has had all the love in the world that we could give her! Plus I really enjoying being crafty these days and I am excited to plan a cute little party! But I also feel like its our chance to celebrate the year that we survived. I gave birth to a child and we have successfully raised that child for one whole year! And yes I consider it success but she is alive and healthy and happy and really what else can you ask for! So not only does this party celebrate her first year but it will be a way for us to celebrate our first year as parents! 

Anyways enough about the emotions and what have you about planning her first party now to the fun part! All the crafting I've been doing and a few things I still have planned! 

So of course I've been browsing pinterest for ideas and knew months ago that I wanted to go with the a "You are my sunshine" theme using pink yellow and teal for the colors. Now I have had big plans for months including an awesome cake ordered from the lady who made our wedding cake and paintings and lots of crafts and favors and all that good stuff however with furloughs in full swing from until well after her birthday my plans had to be scaled back a bit but its still going to be awesome! I was a little upset for a while and felt like I wasn't going to be able to give her the birthday I wanted to and the one I know she deserves but then I had to remind myself that no matter what I do its going to be great so I got over it and got crafting! 

   

Working on the highchair decorations. I've seen lots of big fluffy highchair tutus but that was just a little too frilly for us so instead I used fabric in our party colors of course!

                                      

And here is the finished product! I was super happy with it!! Its perfect really!! You can't really tell in this picture but I did add a few pieces of tulle that I had left over from her outfit and it added just the right amount of girly fluff and sparkle :)

This is the beginnings of her bday outfit! Now this is officially the first tutu I have ever made and the first one she has ever had but I couldn't not make a tutu for her bday because they are just so cute!! I thought about ordering one but they didn't have the right colors anywhere plus it was sooo much cheaper to just make it myself and so easy! 

                                      

This is the progress! One thing that was just a little annoying was how staticy the tulle was but it wasn't too bad. However static guard might help a little if I make more in the future. 

                                      

And of course here is my little princess modeling her tutu! So cute!! It turned out a bit shorter than I originally wanted (i have a thing about short skirts on babies) but I'll find some bloomers that match and it'll be super cute!

                                      

Now it was on to the onesie to go with the tutu. I originally thought I'd buy one that is embroidered and has her name on it and all that good cute fancy stuff but then I realized people want upwards of 30 bucks for a onesie with all that stuff and I'm sorry I just can't bring myself to pay that kind of money for a ONESIE! So I decided I'd make it myself and thanks to the wonderful invention of Heat-Bond it was quick and easy! So I got online found the number template I liked best and printed it to size and then found a cute sun that I like to match our theme and printed it to size and we were off and running!

                                              

After I made my templates I just traced them on to the fabric, followed the instructions (sort of) on the heat-bond and POOF adorable bday onesie for my little sunshine! Now when I say sort of on following instructions its because I didn't read the instructions before I cut out my fabric pieces and infact your not supposed to cut out the shapes before you do the first step on the heat-bond so it was a little tricky and bit messier than it needed to be but I made it work! 

Now how perfect is that outfit!! It came together so well and I love it!! Now I debated for a while about putting her name on the onesie with puff paint but I'm too afraid to mess it up plus I figure everyone knows her name! LOL! 

                                                

Of course no party is complete without a party hat! But of course people like to charge way to much for those fancy things too so I decided i'd do it myself! I had fabric left over from her onesie and highchair skirt so I printed a template on cardstock, hot glued fabric to it and then add some feathery fluff! I'm still deciding what other decoration I want to add to the hat and I'll be sure to share a picture once I complete it! 

                                                

All together and perfect! So excited to see my little sunshine happy on her big day in this outfit!

Now it was time for more decor so I got to work on the pennant banner for the mantle. This is the first one i've made and I originally would have liked to be able to make the pennants bigger but we have to go with the space we had to hang it but I think its super cute anyway!! 

                                      

All done and ready to go! I love how it turned out! I figured I can use the happy birthday one again and again and I'm thinking i'll find somewhere to hang the one with her name. Maybe on her bedroom door!  

It has been a busy couple of days with all my crafting but it has been fun and I am so excited how everything is coming together! Now I just have to decide wether or not its in the budget for me to make a painting, and I gotta make the tissue paper pom pom and finish up her hat once i decide what to do! Of course there are still invitations, food, the platters for the food and several other little things that I have to decide and figure out but a huge chunk is done and ready and I'm excited!!! Stay tuned in the coming weeks for more Birthday fun and of course the big finale after her party!! 

Mother's Day

This was my first official mothers day. Last year people wished me happy mothers day and such but we didn't really celebrate at all since I was still carrying Peyton at that point. But this year my hubby and little girl made my day so very special! My day started with breakfast in bed (well i guess restarted cause I fed peyton at like 6 and then went back to bed). Love my hubby for bringing me these gorgeous roses and my super sweet card! And I had to laugh at the fact that he had no shame in bringing home donuts instead of making breakfast himself and I can blame him! I have never seen him make breakfast so I dont know how it would have turned out had he tried. And he promptly said "I didn't just bring you donuts in a bag" LOL! Points for that!

Then after breakfast he brought me my present that he and Peyton made for me!! It was sooo sweet and I absolutely love it!! Plus I'm super proud of him for making it completely from scratch! He didn't buy a kit or anything!! He had some struggles getting the prints "perfect" and finally just decided they were good enough and I told him that they were "perfect"! None of us are perfect and I will remember how much trouble Peyton gave him while he was doing this and laugh! 

Then we got ready and went to church and heard an awesome sermon and got to watch several families dedicate themselves to raising their children up with God! It is probably one of my favorite sundays because its like watching the future change right in front of your eyes! The children are our future and without God that future does not look good but to see so many people dedicate their lives to raising children of God so that our future may look bright gives me such a joy! Plus now I think back to just a few months ago when we did they same thing and it just makes me smile!

                                                 

                                                 

                                                

And then the rest of the afternoon was spent out in the yard and in the flowerbed. I took Peyton with me while I served at the 1 oclock service so that blaine could mow the lawn and then he went above and beyond and edged the yard as well! And when I got back me and my mom did some major work in the flower bed! Still has a lot of work left but its looking better and better all the time! And we even managed to get the yard fertilized with the turf builder! Last year we sucked it up at taking care of the yard and garden mainly cause its not blaines favorite thing to do and I was giant pregnant and it was WAY hot out! But this year I am determined to keep things looking nice... or at least as nice as we can once it gets WAY hot out again!!
I just have to say that I had the most amazing Mothers day and I am so very blessed! Not only do I have an amazing Mother that I am so blessed with but I also have an awesome husband and the most beautiful daughter all of which I got to spend my day with! It really couldn't have been any better!!

saying goodbye to childhood

Ok so I fully understand that I am 25 years old and my childhood was gone a long time ago! But there are still little pieces and reminders of it everywhere for me and I like it that way! I grew up in the same house from the age of 3 until I moved out for College. My parents still live in the same house and I like it that way. Once while I was in junior my parents looked at buying another house and moving and I threw a FIT! I didn't want to move... this was my home and I didn't want to live anywhere else. Which is funny considering the other house would have been bigger but it didn't matter to me! Maybe this is why I dont deal well with big life changes (hmmm). Anyways, in the last few years slowly there have been little pieces of my childhood that have vanished one by one and without me even realizing the significance. But yesterday my mother informed me that they shut off their house phone since they hardly ever use it and it cost entirely too much money! Totally understandable and logical but dang it I could help but go WHAT! NO! I have had that same number my entire life! It was the first number I memorized heck its one of only like three numbers I have memorized now (thank you cell phones) and now its gone! In 30 days if I call that phone number I will have reached a completely different house and a different family! With my birthday coming up (which I'm in complete denial and have decided to just skip it and stay 25) I just realized how many little things have changed and happened in the last couple years that are all little memories and pieces of my childhood. Fact of life I guess but doesn't make me life it anymore!!

Where did the time go?

My little bitty baby is 8 months old and I just can't figure out where the time went! It has flown by even faster than I could have ever imagined! I feel like it was just last month that we brought her home from the hospital and now she's crawling and sitting and eating (like her daddy!) and even has her first tooth and can say Mama and Dada! Its crazy!! At least once a day I look at blaine holding her and wanna cry because she is just soo big now! Ok really she's not that big compared to other babies her age but compared to how big she used to be she is huge! I love every minute of it all I just wish it would slow down just a little bit!
I have been asked several times lately if I'm starting to get the baby fever again and I just have to laugh and say NO NO NO!! I never understood this whole concept before I had a baby and now I understand it a little better but nope still not for me! It's like I told my OB when we were talking about it at my last appt after Peyton was born. I know people get to that point cause they want a little baby again but for me I dont want another little baby I want her to be a little baby again! Adding another baby isn't going to fix that LOL!
Things are about to get crazy busy here in the Finley household for the next couple of months but it is all going to be a lot of fun so we're excited! Although I am ready for July to be here so we can have a free lazy weekend! Oh well I guess its something to look forward to!

Day 5 and seeing a difference!

I completed day 5 this morning and it felt great! Could tell that my endurance is gradually growing and just generally felt really good doing the whole workout! And I can already tell a difference in just these short five days. I doubt that anyone else can tell a difference yet but I wore a shirt today that I haven't been comfortable wearing since I've had Peyton and I felt great in it! And that to me is worth the world!! If this is the beginning of what is to come I am ready!!! Stay tuned!