Saturday, September 29, 2012

3 Weeks already?

Your whole life you are told that the older you get the faster time goes by and when your younger you can't really imagine life going by any faster because you think it already flies by... but then you get older and you realize that they were telling you the truth all these years. I can't believe how much faster time has gone by in these last three weeks. Sometimes I swear I'll wake up and still be pregnant it just really blows my mind that Peyton is already three weeks old. She changes a little bit everyday and I love watching her changes but I sure do wish I could keep her small forever because I know these days are going to be just a memory the next time I blink. She is getting bigger every time I look at her I swear.  When she looks at me now I can tell she is actually looking at more glazed over look LOL and she can follow things she sees with her eyes. She also makes faces at us and has even seemed to copy our faces a little. She is working on holding her head up a little bit each day and just keeps us laughing and smiling. She is sleeping pretty well at night for the most part and eats like crazy during the day but hey whatever she needs. It really just amazes me how much things change in such a short period of time.
Now as happy as I am I can honestly say that I've just never been more scared in my whole life. I want to protect her with every fiber of my being and I just can't imagine what I would do if something bad happened. Now I know I can't be paranoid and scared forever but its just such a new feeling for me. Some of this may be exacerbated by all the problems we had in the very beginning some of which we are still dealing with. Wednesday we take her to a physical therapist to see about getting the shape of her head fixed a bit... its not causing any neurological issues but I just really don't want her to be self conscious about it her whole life. So we're going to try this and see what happens. I can't help but feel like its somehow my fault and I have to do everything I can to fix it. Now I know in my heart that its not my fault but I just can't help but feel that way.
Well thats my little 3 weeks update... I will leave you with a picture of how we are spending our saturday evening.... watching football with daddy!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Mommy Fail #1

Well it only took two weeks for me to have my first mommy fail. And to say I was disappointed in myself would be an understatement (thanks hormones). Ok so here's the story. Blaine's brother and sister in law and two of their boys came down to visit us this weekend and meet sweet baby Peyton. Since the fair is still going on we thought it would be fun to take them and I've been feeling pretty good and Peyton has been doing great so off to the fair we went. It was smooth sailing for the first 3 hours or so, everyone was having fun walking through the buildings, seeing all the animals, and just enjoying being out and about. Ms. Peyton just snoozed away in the stroller and was the center of attention... everywhere we went someone stopped to look and tell us how beautiful she is (Proud Momma here). Well after about three hours as were in one of the buildings making our way through the aisles Peyton wakes up and is not a happy camper! So Blaine takes her out of the stroller and carries her through the last part of the building as we beeline for the doors so we can get her changed and I can figure out a place to sit and feed her (interesting thing to do at the fair). Well the line for the women's restroom was super long as usual so Blaine took her into the men's room to change her only to discover that little miss had had a blowout! She was in a disposable diaper that was given to us since we use cloth diapers but I figured I had them and it would be easier than the cloth while we were out... well these diapers just didn't fit her as well and so the blowout occured. Now to the mommy fail... since she had a blowout her entire outfit was ruined to wear and what did I have in the diaper bag for a change of clothes... a long sleeved and footed PJ outfit... WAY TO HOT for that! I mean we were all sweating it was hot even in the buildings! So she spent the rest of the time we were there (another couple hours) in nothing but a diaper and covered with a real light blanket. I felt terrible... then feeding was not super easy and it was hot and she was hot and I was hot and the nursing cover made it even more hot. I almost had a small breakdown at this point because I felt like a terrible momma and at this point I wanted nothing more than to just be able to give her a bottle! But I have a wonderful support team in my hubby and in my sister in law so I held it together without breaking down and we enjoyed the end of our fair trip. Lesson learned... ALWAYS have a onesie in the Diaper Bag! This will be a mistake I don't make again!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Life with a newborn

Well we have survived almost 2 weeks of life with a newborn and I can honestly say it is nothing like I expected... but contrary to what you may think... It is SO MUCH BETTER! Yes I am slightly sleep deprived (although the end of my pregnancy was that way anyway so I was prepared for it), yes I am still recovering physically although this is much easier than I anticipated and I am feeling closer to 100% a little more everyday... I mean I finally have normally looking feet and ankles again and for me it doesn't get better than that! But seriously taking care of my little girl is by far the best thing I have ever done in my life. She just lights up my world. I love all the faces she makes, the sounds... yes even the cries. I cherish the fact that I am the one who gives her food, that takes care of all her needs. And I am so so blessed to be able to do all of these things for this adorable little princess. Being a mom really is the best experience in the world even through all the sleep deprived nights of cluster feeding where daddy can't help a lick because all she wants to do is eat and since the feeding utensils are kind of attached to me I'm stuck but I dont mind. It just means more snuggle time for mommy! I know these days are going to fly by and that makes me sad just thinking about it but at the same time I can't wait to see what happens next, how she will grow and learn and do things on her own. Its just so exciting to be a part of something so special!
We haven't done a whole lot in the last two weeks besides just enjoy time as a family. We've made a couple trips out and about and they've all been successful so there really isn't any big story to tell there. We've had lots of visitors but lots of peaceful family times too... and having Blaine home with me as been wonderful... I kind of dread him going back to work because I just love being home as a family! But someone has to make some Money for us! We've been pretty productive in household projects the last couple of weeks which has been really nice and I've even managed to keep the house clean and the dishes and laundry done... all of these are pretty big successes in my book. Having this little girl just motivates me to makes things the best I possibly can in her environment.
Well I guess I'll stop rambling about how wonderful life is with my precious little girl and get back to loving on her since she's waking up now but I will leave you with one of her sneek peak newborn pictures so you can see just how adorable she is and why I am so in love with everything she does!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Ms. Peyton's Birth Story

Well I know its been a while since I've updated this but its been a little busy getting the last minute things ready and preparing for our sweet baby girl to arrive and now that she has we've been getting into the swing of things with a newborn. We have been very blessed with lots of help and encouragement throughout the entire journey and I can't thank our families enough for everything they've done for us.  But since it has been so long and I have a little down time this morning I thought I would update the blog and tell you all about Ms. Peyton's arrival into the world.

It was Thursday Sept 6 (my official due date) and we got up and around to go to my final doctor's appointment. We had everything packed and ready to go with us since we knew there was a pretty good chance we would be inducing that same day. So we loaded up the car took our "we're off to have a baby picture" in front of the house and off we went to the doctor. After getting all checked out, discovering I had made some progress but not much we began discussing the induction. I had researched a couple different methods that did not involve pitocin because I really wanted to try to do things naturally, however as my luck would have it I was just not a good candidate for those alternatives so pitocin it would be. This was a very emotional decision for me because I so badly wanted to meet my princess but I also knew all the risks that go along with being induced. And while we considered waiting a while longer they were still concerned she was going to be rather large and I just didn't want to risk anything happening to her all because I didn't want to use pitocin. So the doctor told us to get a light bite to eat and head to the hospital and we could get things started. I cried on and off through breakfast just thinking about everything... I was a bit overwhelmed to say the very least but I was so excited that it was finally happening.
We arrived at the hospital and got everything started at around 1130 that morning. I was pleasantly surprised that even after starting the pitocin I felt very little pain (for now). So I labored and visited with both Blaine and I's moms and Blaine for the next five hours. At 430 my doctor arrived and said it was time to go ahead and break my water to get things moving along because the pitocin alone was not progressing me very well. Now this is where the "fun" begins. So she broke my water and almost immediately the contractions became a lot less "fun". They were right on top of eachother with very little break between any of them. So after a little over an hour and lots of talk about how long my labor would probably be I decided to go ahead and get an epidural. Blaine was very supportive and tried to tell me that I could do it without but I just knew that I couldn't continue for an unkown amount of time in that much pain so epi it was and man oh man that was a great choice! Once that epi was in and working I was a whole new person and back to chatting and just enjoying the day... as much as one can stuck in a hospital bed getting ready to push out a baby LOL!!

After the epi I continued to labor for 12 hours! Lets just say I'm very glad I chose to get the epi! I progressed pretty slowly but finally at 2am it was time to start pushing... whew that is a lot of work! I pushed for 2 hours before she finally decided to arrive. She weighed 7lbs 12oz and was 21 inches long. I had a great nursing staff and doctor and wonderful husband who supported me through all the pushing and did a wonderful job encouraging me  while pushing. I don't know that I could have done it without them.
Now while most people would say all of that was the difficult part but in fact it was not. When she was finally born it was apparent that there was something wrong... she aspirated on meconium and the cord was around her neck and that was just the beginning. So they quickly put her on my chest let Blaine cut the cord very quickly and moved her over to the panda bed so they could get to work on her. They had to deep suction out her lungs (keep in mind that in all this time she still has not cried). She was very pale and while she was wide eyed she was not very responsive. Her Apgar score was very low and her respiration rate and heart rate were both very high. They worked for approx. 30 minutes (seemed like an eternity) to get her stablized all while trying to decide if she was going to have to go children's hospital downtown. This entire time I was still waiting to get cleaned up and everything. Once we finally got me all cleaned up ( and the color came back to my body... I lost a lot of blood) they had her stabalized enough that we were able to hold her for just a few moments and we were able to let our mom's (who had been waiting in the hall terrified) in to see her... only Blaine and I were allowed to hold her at this point because her head was so malformed from the birthing process they were concerned about neurological issues and she was very sore from it all. She also had one arm that she didn't want to move which added to their concerns. So after much debate they decided that she needed to go to the nursery to be monitored more closely but that at this point they didn't think she needed to go to children's hospital. I was relieved but still very scared for what could be wrong with my baby girl.
She spent the next 8 hours in the nursery being monitored, having labs done and receiving fluids . At around 1130 I was finally able to go to the nursery and see her, they had me meet with a lactation consultant and had me pump so i was able to go and give her what I had pumped. And I was able to be there for her first bath and finally get to hold her again. I can honestly say that was the longest 8 hours of my life not being able to be near her and hold her and know exactly what was going on but she was already improving and I knew that it was what was best for my little girl. After just a couple more hours they decided that her stats had improved enough that she could come back in room with Blaine and I and we couldn't have been happier! She has continued to improve and is just the most perfect little girl!

It was a very long day and a very emotional roller coaster but we are so very blessed to have our little girl home and healthy! I can honestly say that how this little girl was born was not anything like I had wanted or expected but I know that it all happens for a reason and I have been blessed beyond words just to have my little girl and that is all that matters. I mean just look how beautiful she is!