Monday, October 24, 2011
Man how life changes and so quickly. If you had asked me just three weeks ago that this is what life would be like I would have never believed you. But you know what... I'm so happy... life is different and sometimes its a little scary especially when we're talking money but I couldn't be happier. I have more time for the things I need to do... I have more time for my family... I have more time to just enjoy life and not stress over things I can't control. Life is good! Is life perfect... no will it ever be... probably not... but life is good! And I am so Happy! Starting work this week and couldn't be more excited! I'm so ready for this next chapter in my life and can't wait to see what Blessings it will hold for me!! God provides in the strangest ways but he always provides! I know this is a short post and really its just my ramblings but It's my way of remembering that things always get better no matter how bad they get to start with. And while things are great now I know that there may come a time where I need this reminder so this is my way of documenting it all so that if and when I need that reminder I'll have it.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
I have been searching everyday for a light in the storm that is my life at the current moment. Everyday I have one small positive thing has kept me going and has given me some sense of positiveness. I know that God will always be there to help me through my toughest days and he will never give me more then I can handle but right now he is getting awful close. My job is kind of a mess and I am searching for a way out... hopefully it will be soon... however I'm taking a pretty good pay cut in doing this and while I know we can do it and God will provide it is terrifying!!! But I can't be unhappy like this any longer! Then tacked on top of all the stress and turmoil I feel from that whole situation comes the news about my grandma's cancer! I prayed and prayed and prayed for a positive outcome of that biopsy and of course as usual God had a different plan and it came back cancerous but not just cancerous a fast growing cancer that may cause her to have her bladder remove and could have possibly already spread past that. To say my heart is broken at this point is an understatement. My grandma is the most amazing woman I know. She has taught me how to be a strong christian independant woman. She taught me how to cook, how to bake, how to clean (well she tried LOL), she taught me how to work hard and how to turn away from bad situations. She has always been someone have admired so so much and just the thought that her years are numbered is killing me. I know I know she is grandmother their years are always numbered its a fact of life but it just seems so much closer now with the whole cancer thing. I know people beat cancer all the time and I know that she could go on a life 10 plus more great years but the fear has still gripped my heart and won't let go. I want her to be well and to be happy... I want her to be able to see my children when we have them. I just want more time... a lot more time! And with the job situation changing that is exactly what I plan to make... a lot more time! more time to visit before it's too late and I regret being too busy! But through it all I still try to find the light in the storm... I have an amazing supportive husband and an amazing family that I can always count on. And not to mention countless friends who have stood by me through so many things. These are all my lights in the storm that is my current life and I don't know where I would be if they were not in my life.