The Last few weeks

Well I haven't written in the last few weeks mainly because its been entirely too hard and since i seem to cry at the drop of a hat I knew that blogging would put me into hysterics. But we're gonna try this and see if i can make it through without completely losing it.

So today is Sirus' (my nephew) birthday... I can't believe he is already 2! But its going to be a bittersweet and very emotional day for us. You see for the last two weeks or so his mother hasn't allowed us to see him and has completely ignored all of our many attempts to get in contact with them. She has decided to file for full custody so that Harley only gets visitations and is refusing to let us have him in the mean time. And its a big tangled mess that has us all jacked up. I've been in a weird place since all of this has happened. No matter what I'm doing or who i'm with I'm thinking about it all and if anything at all about it spoken outloud tears come to my eyes. We love that little boy so much and have so much to give to him it absolutely breaks my heart that she is trying to do this when we have done nothing wrong. It just all has brought back so many old emotions from when we fought for Kata and lost that it has my whole family tore up. every conversation we have some how involves Sirus and if there is any new news about the whole situation. But she finally called yesterday and agreed to let us come and see him today... at a specific time.... sadly this is the same time that Michelle's baby shower starts. Luckily I have the most fantastic and support friends in the whole world so I'm gonna go see my little boy long enough to give him his present... hug his neck... and tell him I love him because sadly I dont know when I'll be able to do that again. (failed tears have began) And then i'll go to the baby shower and finish things up.... I feel terrible that its all happened on the same day at the same time but I am so so so thankful that God has answered a small portion of our prayers and is letting us see him today... although I am worried she won't show or she'll be super late as usual and I won't get to see him cause i have other obligations and can't wait around all day for her to finally show... So at this point I'm praying for the best and that just maybe once she sees us all with him she will realize what she is keeping him from and will stop being so petty.

Ok well there is my sad story of why i have been in a funk... so if you have seen or talked to me in the last two weeks and have thought to yourself... she seems weird... something is wrong with her... or anything of that nature... now you know why. Prayers are always appreciated and very much needed at this point. Now off to finish babyshower stuff before going to see my little boy... its gonna be a long emotional day!