We all dream about the day when life will be easier. When I make this amount of money, or have this house, or get married, or whatever the one aspiration is that you think will make life complete and easy and perfect. But the truth is even when we reach that moment it just changes. There is a new aspiration or a snag in the plan that makes something just not enough and you once again feel like you just wish you could get to that one thing so life can be good. I've decided its just human condition to always want more and its not always a bad thing. We should always be working towards our goals and striving to make better for ourselves and generations to come but we need to be content in what we have in the meantime as well. Nothing will ever make life perfect there is always something around the corner to mess something up but you work through it and get over that hump and move on to the next goal or obstacle which ever comes first.
I say all this because I feel like I am in one of those moments when nothing feels like enough and life will be better when... and I hate it! I dont want to be that person who is always wanting more but it seems I am human and I am that person. Not every day of course most days I am content with my life and even more so very happy with it because I know that I am blessed beyond description. But then we hit that snag and I hit a slump and nothing feels like enough. This week has felt like one snag after another and the stress is overwhelming. And then I have this bad tendency when I get into these slumps to overanalyze and critic every little section of my life and its just a slippery slope. Am I a good enough mother? Am I a good enough wife? Why dont I enjoy cleaning house? Why did I go to school for 4 years for a meaningless degree? Would I be happier working? Why can't I just loose the weight? Do I really want more children? Can I really make a career with Scentsy? The list of questions really just goes on and on and on. Ive been told more then once in my life that I second guess myself too much and I dont give myself enough credit and I know that this is true but I have yet to find a way to stop it from happening. Even when I dont indulge these second guesses they still pop up in the back of my mind. It just the way I am wired.
I hope I am not the only one that feels this way. I am pretty sure that I am not and as odd as it sounds I find that comforting. I dont want to be the only one, I dont want to be alone in this battle. And this I remember that even if I am the only one that I am never alone in this battle. God gives me every blessing and weapon and tool that I need to overcome this day and move on to the next. He can take ever ounce of stress and doubt and second guess away from me if I just stop and give it all to him. So today this is what I will try to do and I hope those of you who read this who feel the same way will do the same. Its a daily battle and its a constant struggle but God will take it all away if we let him. It may not be instant but his plan is bigger than any of ours and it is perfect.
This may seem completely random and our of left field since this blog A) hasnt been written on in months. and B) is usually just about me and the random happenings of my little family. But today I needed to just write. Get things out of my head and onto the screen. I hope it makes sense and is not a big jumbled mess but if it is thats ok because it was what I needed whether it makes sense to anyone else or not.