Sunday, October 5, 2014

Sometimes you just gotta vent

Sometimes we just need to vent. Even if what we vent about is directly related to a decision we make and continue to make everyday… does that mean that we have to be 100% happy all the time. NO! Sometimes we have bad days, sometimes we are tired, sometimes we just need a little space and time to ourselves, and yes sometimes we just need to vent! This came to my attention this weekend when some well meaning family members tried to remind me that my child would not be small for long and that there will come a day when I look back and wish she was still at my feet constantly needing or wanting my attention. And this I know is true and one day I’m sure I will look back and say well they were right I wish she was still that little baby girl who needed me for everything but right now in this moment I feel like I need a break and I don’t feel like I should feel bad about that. I am with my daughter 24/7. I can count the number of times I have left her for more than just a run to the grocery store or just a lunch date with a friend while she was home with her daddy. TWICE!! I have left my child overnight twice…. And probably only 4 or 5 others times for a few hours so my husband and I could have a date night. Other than that I am with that precious little girl. Even if part of that time is when she is sleeping I am still at the ready for when she needs me at all times. And yes I chose to stay at home with her and I continue to choose that everyday and I don’t regret that decision not even for a moment. But does that mean that I am not entitled to a bad day… to wanting some time away. Now I have to give credit to my hubby because he is amazing and he knows when I need to just step away and have some time to myself even if most of the time that is just me in our bedroom watching a movie and just being alone for a bit but sometimes I need it. There are moments when its been a long week that I feel like I’m suffocating. My daughter needs me, my husband needs me, my pets need me, my family needs me, my friends need me, my house needs me…. It just all feels so very suffocating sometimes and I know that is because many time I choose to not give myself some time. I choose to not get a babysitter very often, I choose to take my child with me everywhere I go instead of asking for help. Yes I know that I make these decisions but sometimes I just need to vent. Sometimes I just need to say “UGH she is driving me crazy!!” Does that make me a bad mother?? Does that make me a horrible person? Does that mean I love my daughter less than the picture perfect mom who never needs a moment away (does that person exsist cause if they do… THEY ARE LYING)? I don’t think it does. I don’t think it makes me those things I think it simply means that I am human!! I am a stay at home mom with a husband who is in school to get a masters degree and my daughter is 2 and into everything and needing of all attention in the word. This is my life and I LOVE IT!!!! But as much as I love my life in the grand scheme of things that does not mean I love every single second of every single day. Am I thankful for it? YES! Every single moment. Because it molds me and it shapes me and changes me for the better. It makes me stretch and grow in ways that I never knew I could. Motherhood does that to you… hell Parenthood does that to you because lets face it Fathers do a lot of changing and growing when that baby comes into the world to. So yes I am thankful for every moment of my life no matter what is going on or how frustrated I am or how suffocated I feel. And I love my overall life. But somedays I just gotta vent and let it out and know that I am not in this struggle alone. And if you are reading and you know exactly what I’m feeling… You’re not alone either!!! 

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