The Why

So this last week was Scentsy's Annual Family Reunion. I was unable to attend this year as much as I would have liked to but I have had the opporutunity to hear about it from several people and just that alone has recharged me for my business. August 1st I will celebrate 1 year with the Scentsy Family! I am proud to say that but I also look back on the last year and realize that there is so much more I could have done to build this business and so now I'm making a commitment to let go of what I could have done and move on to what I can do and work my business the way I know I can and should from this point forward. My Superstar director and several of our leadership are always talking about getting to the root of what you Why is or what your recruits Why is because that is the heart of the business and that is what is going to be the very best motivator. So tonight after a day filled with working my business and training myself to better work my business I decided that to keep the momentum I want and to get to the goals that I have set for myself I need to know exactly why my Why is and keep that in my mind as I go about working this business.
I broke my Why down into 4 parts

• Family
• Career
• Giving
• Community

Family : You can ask almost anybody why they do what they do no matter what kind of job it is and while yes some will do you its because its their passion and they love it most will tell you its because of their Family. Its a way that they give their Family the things that they need and want. And I am no different. I did a direct sales business a few years back and it did not go well but the whole reason behind that business was so that one day I could have children and stay at home with them. Well before I started Scentsy I was already living that dream. I had my beautiful daughter and I was staying home with her and loving it but money was tight and there were sacarafices being made because I chose to stay at home with our daughter. Scentsy gives me the opportunity to do extra things and gain some of those things that we have sacraficed back and I'm still able to stay at home with my daughter! Which is really what I wanted to begin with. But i want to be able to give her more I want to be able to give her every opporunity to do the things that she loves and Scentsy gives me that chance.

Career : Not to say that being a stay at home mom is not something to be proud of I am very proud to be a SAHM and I wouldn't change it for the world. However there are moments when I think back on the 4 1/2 years I spent in college (of which I'm still paying for) and wonder what I have to show for it. And then I think about my children when they are older and how they will view me and if I am giving them something to strive for and be proud of or am I just mom. I love being Mom dont get me wrong but I want... no I need to be more than that. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be a stay at home mom until I met and fell in love with my husband but that doesn't change my driven, goal oriented, competitive nature. Scentsy gives me an outlet so that I can have the best of both worlds. A Career to work and strive for and the ability to be a stay at home mom. And I need both! 

Giving : Generosity has always been something that I like to think of myself as being although for much of my life I have had very extra to give. But I have always tried to be generous with my time and my love and with things as much as finances would allow. But I would like to be able to give more freely. I want to think about giving to mission work and charities and all of those things without having the pang of doubt or the thought of oh well maybe one day. And with Scentsy I have that opportunity. 

Community : I am by no means a social butterfly. I am not someone who strikes up a conversations with anyone I meet and quite frankly I often feel like people see me as unapproachable. I guess I just dont have a very friendly demeanor which I'm just going through the motions of my day. But this is something I am trying to work on to change. But making friends for me is not easy I'm the type of person that most of the friends I have now were people I met made an instance connection with and that was that not another thought about it we are friends. But now that I'm older and not in school and not in a job the opportunities to make instant friends are few and far between and while I have my family which I love sometimes life gets a little lonely. But with Scentsy I have opportunities to make new friends to build new relationships and to flourish in a community that is supportive and uplifting and genuine! 

That is my Why and I am committing to remember it and work for it day in and day out. I feel like as I am sitting here writing this that I am standing in front of a door that is just waiting for me to open in and step into the future that is waiting. I'm ready to step in with both feet and see where this journey takes me!!! 

Do you have a Why? Do you know what is and how you can get to it? 

When nothing feels like enough

We all dream about the day when life will be easier. When I make this amount of money, or have this house, or get married, or whatever the one aspiration is that you think will make life complete and easy and perfect. But the truth is even when we reach that moment it just changes. There is a new aspiration or a snag in the plan that makes something just not enough and you once again feel like you just wish you could get to that one thing so life can be good. I've decided its just human condition to always want more and its not always a bad thing. We should always be working towards our goals and striving to make better for ourselves and generations to come but we need to be content in what we have in the meantime as well. Nothing will ever make life perfect there is always something around the corner to mess something up but you work through it and get over that hump and move on to the next goal or obstacle which ever comes first.
I say all this because I feel like I am in one of those moments when nothing feels like enough and life will be better when... and I hate it! I dont want to be that person who is always wanting more but it seems I am human and I am that person. Not every day of course most days I am content with my life and even more so very happy with it because I know that I am blessed beyond description. But then we hit that snag and I hit a slump and nothing feels like enough. This week has felt like one snag after another and the stress is overwhelming. And then I have this bad tendency when I get into these slumps to overanalyze and critic every little section of my life and its just a slippery slope. Am I a good enough mother? Am I a good enough wife? Why dont I enjoy cleaning house? Why did I go to school for 4 years for a meaningless degree? Would I be happier working? Why can't I just loose the weight? Do I really want more children? Can I really make a career with Scentsy? The list of questions really just goes on and on and on. Ive been told more then once in my life that I second guess myself too much and I dont give myself enough credit and I know that this is true but I have yet to find a way to stop it from happening. Even when I dont indulge these second guesses they still pop up in the back of my mind. It just the way I am wired.
I hope I am not the only one that feels this way. I am pretty sure that I am not and as odd as it sounds I find that comforting. I dont want to be the only one, I dont want to be alone in this battle. And this I remember that even if I am the only one that I am never alone in this battle. God gives me every blessing and weapon and tool that I need to overcome this day and move on to the next. He can take ever ounce of stress and doubt and second guess away from me if I just stop and give it all to him. So today this is what I will try to do and I hope those of you who read this who feel the same way will do the same. Its a daily battle and its a constant struggle but God will take it all away if we let him. It may not be instant but his plan is bigger than any of ours and it is perfect.

This may seem completely random and our of left field since this blog A) hasnt been written on in months. and B) is usually just about me and the random happenings of my little family. But today I needed to just write. Get things out of my head and onto the screen. I hope it makes sense and is not a big jumbled mess but if it is thats ok because it was what I needed whether it makes sense to anyone else or not.

A lifelong struggle

Its been a while since I've written on this blog and honestly I've probably written 10 different entries or at least partial ones and then decided they weren't finishing. But I've had an entry in the back of my mind for a while now and decided it was time to put my thoughts onto the screen. This post is going to be pretty personal and straight from my heart which I am not very good at expressing so we will see how this goes.
I have struggled with self image issues as long as I can possibly remember and I have struggled with my weight for the same length of time. Although my mom tells me that I wasn't overweight as a child, there isn't really a time that I remember where I wasn't... or at least I didn't ever feel like I wasn't. Now this is for a number of reasons some of which are my own personal demons and some from certain family members that were not encouraging in the least and in fact were the exact opposite. So for as long as I can remember I have never truly felt good about myself. I would have a day here or there where I felt pretty but there was always something that I didnt like and most of the time that was to do with my weight. But this dislike with my body in itself was never enough to give me the motivation to do something about it. I tired this diet or that diet and I would exercise but really it would last a couple weeks max and then I would give up cause I didn't see results fast enough and then I would just feel sorry for myself. Its an evil cycle really. Well now here I am 26 years old a wife and a mother and still struggling with these same demons. But now it not only affects me and how I feel but it has crept its way into affecting my marriage and my family and this has become my last straw. So The weekend after Christmas I decided it was time to make a major change. But this time its just not for me its for my family and especially for my daughter. I know that more than likely at some point in her life she will struggle with self image issues, I think its something that all girls go through at some point. But I do not want it to be a constant struggle in her life like it has mine. And I know that she is only going to learn by example. I want her to see us eating healthy and exercising and taking care of ourselves so that she learns to do it too.
So we returned from our christmas in Nebraska on the friday after christmas and that next day I started my new diet and exercise routine. Now I learned a long time ago that counting calories doesn't work for me. Its tedious and time consuming and I just get frustrated and quit. So instead I just make wise choices. I know about how much I should eat and I make better choices about what I am eating. I also cut out soda but also from past experiences I've learned that cutting it out completely makes me a little crazy so I allow myself I splurge every few weeks to keep my sanity. I am a huge believer in moderation and that is what I am a practicing. I also have an awesome husband that is right on board with this new change in our lives and is so supportive! I couldn't do it without him! And on top of the big diet change I am in the gym 3 to 4 times a week and working hard! I also have started a product called Plexus slim to help me curve my cravings and appetite and just jumpstart things for me so I dont discouraged and it has worked wonderfully!
So here I am about 6 weeks later and I am down 13 lbs and for the first time in a very long I am starting to feel good about myself. I still have a LONG way to go because my overall goal is to loose 100lbs from my heaviest weight but I am taking it one day at a time and setting myself little goals along the way so I can celebrate my success and not be overwhelmed. And not only am I doing all of this but now I have started to take some time for myself every morning before my daughter wakes up. And this is a big step for me as well. For months now I have rolled out of bed when I hear her wake up and we go right into our routine. Most days we didn't get out of our Pajamas. I didn't feel good about myself and getting dressed was torturous most days because nothing fit like it should and I looked in the mirror and just wanted to cry because I only a fat ugly girl so I avoided it most days. But now my clothes fit like they should and some are even getting big! And I dont mind getting dressed and looking in the mirror so I wake up and do a few little exercises and I take the time to wash my face and get dressed and make myself presentable. I take the time for me and it makes my day that much better. I am more productive, I am more energetic, and I am just in general happier! I have never been one to really put much effort into my appearance and really its still not a ton but its more about just in general taking care of me and knowing that its ok and I'm worth it.
I am still fighting my own demons everyday when it comes to this life long struggle but ever day I am winning the battle a little more and i see the finish line getting a little closer.
I write this post not only because it just feels good to express myself about this more than I really ever have but also because I know there are lots of women that know exactly how I feel and are in the same struggle. So just maybe this will be encouraging to someone so that they can make a change and realize they are worth it to.

Past, Today and Tomorrow

So tonight I went to a women's event at my church and it was amazing!! I will be completely honest in the fact that I was very much thinking about not going after my best friend told me she was going to a different campus for the event but I made myself go because I am trying to break out of my comfort zone and build new relationships with people and I really wanted to be in a massive worship experience like I knew it was going to be. Those were my favorite events when I was in youth group because it wasn't a normal church service, people aren't there because they feel obligated or they are checking their box for the week they are there because they want to be and they want to worship with every ounce of their soul and I just really wanted to be a part of that because I haven't been for a very long time. And I can say that tonight did not disappoint! I got nervous the moment I saw the number of women standing in the lobby waiting to get to their seats but I found a few familiar faces and I felt better. And the worship was amazing... it brought tears to my eyes... which worship often does. There is something about singing about the wonderful things that God has done for us and about our freedom in the lord that just always seems to bring me to tears. And then Kristine Cain spoke and it was AMAZING! I had never heard her before but now I want to read her book and I want to see her again because she was awesome! She was funny and engaging and real and transparent and just so truthful and passionate and it was just amazing. And of course as it usually goes when you attend a service like this you feel in one way or another that the speaker is speaking directly to you and today was no different. She spoke about how we let our pasts keep us from our tomorrows and gods plan for our lives. Hearing her talk about her story and her past and how much she has been through but still she was able to truly put her past behind her so that she can move on with her tomorrow and God's plan for her life. I have not dealt with half as much stuff as this woman has but I still carrying pieces of my past around with me everyday. I carry guilt and shame of my past sins with me everyday and I let it hold me back from my tomorrow. This all hit home with me from the beginning but when she started talking about if not for ourselves but for our children or future children it really hit me like a ton of bricks! I have a daughter that is going to be looking to me for example on how to get through struggles and sin and If I dont show her how to move on from that knowing and trusting that God has truly forgiven it all then I am hindering her tomorrow and god's plan for her life! Over and Over again in the last couple of weeks I have heard things that have made me pray for God to come and make a big change in my life and tonight was no different. I am on the edge of something amazing and I know that it is all in God's plan but I have to do some work too. And now I know I have to really start working on me and letting Go of my past to move on to my tomorrow.

Parenting is Hard!

Ya know sometimes you just feel like you are failing as a parent... ok well maybe you don't feel that way but sometimes I sure do! Like today for instance when no matter how long and hard I tried I could not get my child to go to sleep for a nap! I dont know what it is but for me she just doesn't like to do it and heaven forbid I just put her in her bed so she can put herself to sleep. And please I really dont want to hear about how they have to learn and you need to let them cry it out or any of that other stuff because trust me I HAVE TRIED!! My child is just that MY child and just like her momma if she doesn't want to do something she's not going to do it! Unforunately my husband doesn't have a stubborn bone in his body so there is really no one else to blame but me and my entire side of the family. So after trying to put to sleep for a good half hour and then letting her cry it out for a good 20 minutes and then trying again to put her to sleep and once again letting her cry I finally gave up and just let her be up until her daddy came home a few minutes later and put her to bed with little to no problem... Do you know how frustrating that is?!?!?! He is the master at putting her to sleep and it makes me feel like a failure because I can try every trick in the book with no success and then he comes home and takes like five minutes and she's out! Lets see its tuesday and this has already happened twice this week... NOT OK!  But on top of her just fighting nap tonight she was not having going to bed. She'd fall asleep until you put her down and then she'd scream. Blaine being the trooper that he is tried and tried but finally asked for back up because we all have a breaking point. So we gave her some medicine thinking her teeth may be bothering her and then she had some mommy cuddle time and then decided she was gonna try to play... HA I dont think so... so daddy went back to putting her to bed and finally after two hours of struggling with this child she is in her bed asleep! I see all these parents that just put their child to bed and VIOLA they go to sleep... and the fact that I can't do it makes me feel like a failure! I've tried, from the get go we tried, she has never been and I'm starting to believe never will be a just lay down and go to sleep child. Maybe when she's 20! LOL!! And this is really just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to all the hardships of parenting. I mean it starts before they even born and you have to decide on how to give birth, then you have to decide to breastfeed or not and for how long, then when to start solid food and how to start solid food and what toys to buy, daycare or no daycare, and it goes on and on and on and we haven't even made it to the one year mark yet! I already have days where I feel like a failure because I can't put my child to sleep I dont even wanna know how I'm gonna feel when I make the WRONG decision about something to do with my child! Its nerve wrecking and scary and hard!! But it is all so worth it! Just that one smile and hug makes all of it worth it. The way her eyes light up and she laughs when she sees me for the first time in the morning or when I pick her up from a sitter after being away from her. The way sometimes only I can comfort her because I am mommy! It makes all the worry, stress, failing feeling. It makes it all worth it and so much more!!

Bday prep

I can't believe that my little baby girl is going to be a year old in a little over a month!! This time last year I was finishing up my nanny jobs and prepping for her arrival as patiently as possible and the days and weeks seemed to crawl by! But now the time just flys! The last 11 months have been wonderful and truly blessed but they have flown by so quickly there are so many time where I wish I could find the pause button, then again I think all parents feel that way at one point. However as we all know there is no pause button for our children growing up so we just have to roll with it do the very best we can to teach them and protect them and give them the best possible life that we know how and Pray to God for all the things that we feel like we can't do because he is able to fill in all the gaps for us! Isn't that just a wonderfully comforting feeling! 

So while I am sad that my baby is going to be a year old before I blink my eyes again, I am also very excited to be planning her first birthday party! Now I know that first birthday parties are really for the parents and grandparents and not at all for the baby but that doesn't change the fact that I want her to have the best first birthday party ever!! And I want her to look back on her pictures one day and see all the time and effort and thought and love that went into planning her first birthday party so that even on those crummy days that we all have she knows that from day one she has had all the love in the world that we could give her! Plus I really enjoying being crafty these days and I am excited to plan a cute little party! But I also feel like its our chance to celebrate the year that we survived. I gave birth to a child and we have successfully raised that child for one whole year! And yes I consider it success but she is alive and healthy and happy and really what else can you ask for! So not only does this party celebrate her first year but it will be a way for us to celebrate our first year as parents! 

Anyways enough about the emotions and what have you about planning her first party now to the fun part! All the crafting I've been doing and a few things I still have planned! 

So of course I've been browsing pinterest for ideas and knew months ago that I wanted to go with the a "You are my sunshine" theme using pink yellow and teal for the colors. Now I have had big plans for months including an awesome cake ordered from the lady who made our wedding cake and paintings and lots of crafts and favors and all that good stuff however with furloughs in full swing from until well after her birthday my plans had to be scaled back a bit but its still going to be awesome! I was a little upset for a while and felt like I wasn't going to be able to give her the birthday I wanted to and the one I know she deserves but then I had to remind myself that no matter what I do its going to be great so I got over it and got crafting! 

   

Working on the highchair decorations. I've seen lots of big fluffy highchair tutus but that was just a little too frilly for us so instead I used fabric in our party colors of course!

                                      

And here is the finished product! I was super happy with it!! Its perfect really!! You can't really tell in this picture but I did add a few pieces of tulle that I had left over from her outfit and it added just the right amount of girly fluff and sparkle :)

This is the beginnings of her bday outfit! Now this is officially the first tutu I have ever made and the first one she has ever had but I couldn't not make a tutu for her bday because they are just so cute!! I thought about ordering one but they didn't have the right colors anywhere plus it was sooo much cheaper to just make it myself and so easy! 

                                      

This is the progress! One thing that was just a little annoying was how staticy the tulle was but it wasn't too bad. However static guard might help a little if I make more in the future. 

                                      

And of course here is my little princess modeling her tutu! So cute!! It turned out a bit shorter than I originally wanted (i have a thing about short skirts on babies) but I'll find some bloomers that match and it'll be super cute!

                                      

Now it was on to the onesie to go with the tutu. I originally thought I'd buy one that is embroidered and has her name on it and all that good cute fancy stuff but then I realized people want upwards of 30 bucks for a onesie with all that stuff and I'm sorry I just can't bring myself to pay that kind of money for a ONESIE! So I decided I'd make it myself and thanks to the wonderful invention of Heat-Bond it was quick and easy! So I got online found the number template I liked best and printed it to size and then found a cute sun that I like to match our theme and printed it to size and we were off and running!

                                              

After I made my templates I just traced them on to the fabric, followed the instructions (sort of) on the heat-bond and POOF adorable bday onesie for my little sunshine! Now when I say sort of on following instructions its because I didn't read the instructions before I cut out my fabric pieces and infact your not supposed to cut out the shapes before you do the first step on the heat-bond so it was a little tricky and bit messier than it needed to be but I made it work! 

Now how perfect is that outfit!! It came together so well and I love it!! Now I debated for a while about putting her name on the onesie with puff paint but I'm too afraid to mess it up plus I figure everyone knows her name! LOL! 

                                                

Of course no party is complete without a party hat! But of course people like to charge way to much for those fancy things too so I decided i'd do it myself! I had fabric left over from her onesie and highchair skirt so I printed a template on cardstock, hot glued fabric to it and then add some feathery fluff! I'm still deciding what other decoration I want to add to the hat and I'll be sure to share a picture once I complete it! 

                                                

All together and perfect! So excited to see my little sunshine happy on her big day in this outfit!

Now it was time for more decor so I got to work on the pennant banner for the mantle. This is the first one i've made and I originally would have liked to be able to make the pennants bigger but we have to go with the space we had to hang it but I think its super cute anyway!! 

                                      

All done and ready to go! I love how it turned out! I figured I can use the happy birthday one again and again and I'm thinking i'll find somewhere to hang the one with her name. Maybe on her bedroom door!  

It has been a busy couple of days with all my crafting but it has been fun and I am so excited how everything is coming together! Now I just have to decide wether or not its in the budget for me to make a painting, and I gotta make the tissue paper pom pom and finish up her hat once i decide what to do! Of course there are still invitations, food, the platters for the food and several other little things that I have to decide and figure out but a huge chunk is done and ready and I'm excited!!! Stay tuned in the coming weeks for more Birthday fun and of course the big finale after her party!! 

Mother's Day

This was my first official mothers day. Last year people wished me happy mothers day and such but we didn't really celebrate at all since I was still carrying Peyton at that point. But this year my hubby and little girl made my day so very special! My day started with breakfast in bed (well i guess restarted cause I fed peyton at like 6 and then went back to bed). Love my hubby for bringing me these gorgeous roses and my super sweet card! And I had to laugh at the fact that he had no shame in bringing home donuts instead of making breakfast himself and I can blame him! I have never seen him make breakfast so I dont know how it would have turned out had he tried. And he promptly said "I didn't just bring you donuts in a bag" LOL! Points for that!

Then after breakfast he brought me my present that he and Peyton made for me!! It was sooo sweet and I absolutely love it!! Plus I'm super proud of him for making it completely from scratch! He didn't buy a kit or anything!! He had some struggles getting the prints "perfect" and finally just decided they were good enough and I told him that they were "perfect"! None of us are perfect and I will remember how much trouble Peyton gave him while he was doing this and laugh! 

Then we got ready and went to church and heard an awesome sermon and got to watch several families dedicate themselves to raising their children up with God! It is probably one of my favorite sundays because its like watching the future change right in front of your eyes! The children are our future and without God that future does not look good but to see so many people dedicate their lives to raising children of God so that our future may look bright gives me such a joy! Plus now I think back to just a few months ago when we did they same thing and it just makes me smile!

                                                 

                                                 

                                                

And then the rest of the afternoon was spent out in the yard and in the flowerbed. I took Peyton with me while I served at the 1 oclock service so that blaine could mow the lawn and then he went above and beyond and edged the yard as well! And when I got back me and my mom did some major work in the flower bed! Still has a lot of work left but its looking better and better all the time! And we even managed to get the yard fertilized with the turf builder! Last year we sucked it up at taking care of the yard and garden mainly cause its not blaines favorite thing to do and I was giant pregnant and it was WAY hot out! But this year I am determined to keep things looking nice... or at least as nice as we can once it gets WAY hot out again!!
I just have to say that I had the most amazing Mothers day and I am so very blessed! Not only do I have an amazing Mother that I am so blessed with but I also have an awesome husband and the most beautiful daughter all of which I got to spend my day with! It really couldn't have been any better!!